My funny valentine
by canihavea-soda
Summary: Post Ganondorf, AU, LinkDarklink. The couple meet up after some time apart and chat, fight and make up in the way that lovers do. Darklink receives a new name, gets called fat by Link and has a nightmare. One shot for Valentine's day. To Lossemare and H7.


**My funny valentine **

_Darklink/Link fluff. Implications of a good-ol' homosexual relationship. Post-Ganondorf, A/U (in which DarkLink survives, obviously). One-shot. Pretty much explains itself. Mixture of third and first person. Lastly: the characters within aren't mine. If they were, I wouldn't need to write this stuff to amuse myself on valentine's day :spinster-type mutterings.:_

* * *

"My funny valentine  
Sweet comic valentine  
You make me smile with my heart  
Your looks are laughable, unphotographable  
Yet you're my favourite work of art…"

The sultry voice of the street-performer below drifted in through the open shutters, and a young man smiled indulgently as he closed his eyes to listen. Deeply tanned elfin ears perked up in order to listen harder, and he leant back against the deep pillows of his chair with a contented sigh. With an almost careless action, he kicked off his heavy black boots, and then put his feet up on the small table that rested before the chair. His coal-grey tunic fell open to the waits, showing a myriad of scars crossing the sun-kissed skin of his chest, and the young man fanned himself slightly with his hands, cursing the heat of the day.

A perfectly timed breeze blew through the open shutters, providing momentary relief from the almost unbearable heat. A stray lock of raven hair tickled the side of his neck, and he reached up to scratch the itch. When a cool, calloused hand grabbed onto his own, he drew in a startled gasp.

The new arrival just bent down, still clutching on his hand; in a breathy voice, they joined in with the words of the street-performer below. "Is your figure less than Greek,  
Is your mouth a little weak  
When you open it to speak, are you smart…" they chuckled at this, and the young man frowned good-naturedly. Keeping his eyes closed, he enjoyed the sensation of their hot breath in his ear, and reached up in an attempt to ruffle the other's hair.

The other grabbed his second hand as well, and used it in order to turn the young man around, wrenching him away from his comfortable pillows. The dark-skinned man let out a squeak of protest – this was soon quieted when the second person in the room drew him into a close embrace.

The other was a man who bore great resemblance to the first. Both were obviously still in the confines of adolescence, though it was evident that they both possessed a great deal of strength in their wiry frames. Elfin ears pointed out from similarly shaggy, messy hairstyles, and even their clothes – simple, old-fashioned tunics – looked much the same. But, this was where the similarities ended.

The first man was deeply tanned, so that his skin was a rich, nut brown. His obsidian hair framed a thin, chiselled face, with prominent cheekbones and deeply set, blood-red eyes. When he smiled up at the second man (who was slightly taller than him), he displayed ice-white teeth, including larger than normal canines.

The second man beamed back down at him, a regular set of teeth glinting mischievously, perfectly matching the playful light in cornflower blue eyes. He flicked his head in order to get his too-long golden fringe out of the way, and then black-haired man reached up a hand to cup his round, boyish cheek. The contrast between the first man's tanned skin, and the second's pale, alabaster complexion was striking indeed; something that the first man seemed to find fascinating.

"I thought I'd find you here," the blond murmured, bringing up a hand to put over the one on his cheek. "Ever the predictable one, eh love?"

"It helped you find me, didn't it?" the shorter Hylian quipped, tilting his head slightly to the side and flashing a winning grin.

"Good point, Dark-" The pale man's face suddenly contorted into shock, and then an embarrassed flush graced his round face. "Oh – sorry – I didn't – I mean – I wasn't thinking-"

"Shh; when do you ever?" the black-haired man reassured him, though his face was grave. The other guiltily dropped his blue gaze to the floor.

"I shouldn't have forgotten about…" he trailed off, and glanced quickly into the red eyes of the other, before looking down again. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence…

"Link."

"Mmm?" the blond man, now known to the world as 'Link', was still unable to look his dark double in the eye.

"Please, pet, look at me," the tanned man implored. Link struggled slightly to obey this command, but did eventually manage to look the other straight in the eye once more. "Look…we…we need to put all of _that_ behind us."

"I know – but I just-"

"Shh." The shorter man rose onto his toes in order to press his lips against those of the blond.

At first, Link didn't respond to the sudden action, but when the other wrapped his arms around his neck, Link couldn't help but return the kiss. He allowed his arms to encircle the slim waist of the shorter man and pull him closer. The usual feeling of euphoria was dulled somewhat by the tense situation, and his partner cut the kiss short (though with obvious regret.)

"Love, that name just reminds me of _Him_."

"Then what am I to call you?" Link asked, keeping his arms firmly around the other's waist. The shorter man frowned in thought, and then seemed to alight on an idea. "What?" the blond asked suspiciously on seeing the red eyes light up.

"Why don't _you_ name me?"

"What?" the blond spluttered, suddenly relinquishing his hold on the other.

"Well, considering all you've done, you may as well…" the tanned man replied, abruptly shy. "What with breaking _His _hold and…"

"I thought you didn't want to talk about that," Link muttered petulantly.

"Hey, you bought it up with the name!"

"Well, it _is_ your name, isn't it, _Dark_!" Link spat, now reeling backwards, away from the other man, who scowled deeply.

"Don't call me that!"

"What the fuck am I supposed to call you? Bob?" the blond shrieked, throwing his hands up in the air, and turning around to storm our. A snorting sound reached his ears, and he stopped dead in his tracks. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the tanned man struggling to keep a straight face, and his own frown feel away.

"Bob?" the tanned man echoed, valiantly attempting not to laugh.

"Yes. Bob. Very distinguished name, don't you think?"

"Perhaps a little _too_ distinguished for me, pet," the black-haired man decided with a careless wave of his hand. Link just shook his head, and smiled wanly.

"Sorry for yelling," the blond scratched the back of his head, looking a little sheepish. "You know how it is with all the protocol Zel' keeps going on about… I have to be polite all the time – just gets to me after a while."

"Don't worry about it," the tanned man padded over, and once more draped his arms around the blond's neck. "I was being serious you know…about the name…" He rested his chin on Link's shoulder, and then turned his head to the side to place liberal kisses on his exposed neck. Link shivered pleasurably at this action, and closed his eyes, burying his left hand in the thick hair of his partner.

"Are you sure? I'm not that good with…names…"

"I'm sure you'll think of something, pet," the tanned man purred, stroking small circles across the nape of Link's neck. "After all," his voice dropped to a low growl, "I won't have you yelling 'Dark' tonight…"

"And what makes you think I'll be yelling anything?" Link contested jovially. With his right hand, he boldly traced the other's jutting hip, grinning at the sharp intake of breath this caused. However, the tanned man was not to be outdone; he used his over-sized canines in order to bite down on the supple skin of Link's neck, making the blond whimper, "Git."

"I don't think I'd want that as a name," the black-haired man said, licking the wound in apology.

"I bet you can think of something you do want though…" the blond removed his left hand from the hair of the other. Both hands traced his double's back, and came to rest comfortably on his backside. The shorter man drew back and raised his eyebrow at Link, who just smirked. "I know I can think of something I want to do…" he squeezed slightly, making the nameless man wriggle.

"You never were very good at entendre, were you pet?" the tanned man snorted.

"Hasn't seemed to put you off, so you obviously love me for something else…" they stood nose to nose, and the black-haired man laughed.

"It's definitely not your brains, pet."

"Shut up." Link removed one of his hands from the other's backside, and used it to lift up his face for a claiming kiss. He ran a sure tongue over the bottom lip of the other, and a giggle rose in his throat as the black-haired man continued to play with his hair. He pulled back in order to survey his partner, only to be greeted with another smiling insult,

"Your conversation isn't all that grand either."

"Right, that's it," Link growled, digging his nails into the tanned man's posterior, before relinquishing him altogether. "Bed." The black-haired man arched his eyebrow and licked his lips.

"I'm on top," he stated simply, not moving an inch.

"Oh, are you now?" there was a wicked glint in Link's eye, and the shorter man barely had time to blink, before he was dragged bodily over to the bed, and flung down upon it. Link joined him a few moments afterwards, and immediately grabbed him for another kiss. "I'm contemplating just calling you 'Git', and having it over with, you know," he told the other during a short break for air.

"Oh? Doesn't that mean pregnant camel?" the tanned man asked, sounding vaguely interested. The blond prodded him in the stomach, which gave a little,

"Well, you have put a bit of weight on…"

"All the better to fuck you with," the black-haired man grunted, easily rolling them over so that he was on top of the blond. "See?"

"Damn…foiled by a fat man."

"I'm not _that_ fat!" the tanned man pouted, making the blond laugh and ruffle his hair lovingly.

"I know – you're just overly sensitive… And don't worry…I'll help you work off the extra weight in no time…"

"And how do you propose to do tha- no fair!" Link had rolled them over once more – yet, he had forgotten that the bed was rather narrow… They tumbled onto the floor, bed-covers going with them. "Clumsy idiot," the tanned man muttered, spitting the blond's hair out of his mouth.

"Just remember, if this clumsy idiot hadn't fallen over his own feet, he might never have seen you," Link reminded him, clambering to his feet, and helping his partner to his feet. As soon as the black-haired man was standing again, he launched himself onto the blond, sending them toppling back onto the bed once more. "Oi!" Link exclaimed, squirming to try and regain his control. "I called top," he whined childishly, trying not to allow the tanned-man's wandering hands to overcome his annoyance.

"Stop being such a drama-queen," the nameless man muttered, quickly working the fastenings of his tunic.

"_Fine. _You just better like your damn name, _Git._" The black-haired man just laughed at this, and descended gleefully on the pale, sinewy body of the other. Link writhed a little as cool hands fluttered across his skin, but stilled when they found their goal…

* * *

Link opened his eyes groggily, taking a few moments to register where he was. When something moved in the bed next to him, he quickly looked down, and smiled at what he saw. His dark double was curled up into a foetal position, his hair half-obscuring his face, and thumb in his mouth. Sighing softly, the blond sank deeper into his pillows, and continued to study his lover. He still found it hard to believe that their relationship was still going, over a year after Ganondorf's fall – and it didn't seem as though it would end any time soon…

The only problem in Link's eyes was the need to keep the whole thing secret. The Hylian had always been a romantic at heart, and often he wanted nothing more than to proclaim his love from the rooftops. _Though, Dark still hasn't got a new name, so that might be hard…_he thought ruefully. He wracked his mind for something that seemed suitable, but every name he came up with just didn't seem to _fit_ somehow…

_Talon…no… Ingo…eurgh, Goddesses no, that's just wrong! Urm… I don't really know all that many names… Talis? Nah, that's not like him… Robert? Too boring. Uh…damn this is hard…_ The tanned man twitched slightly in his sleep, face contorting into a frown and relaxing once more. Link reached out a hand and gently brushed his hair away from his face, looking down at the once-gaunt, now healthy features with an affectionate smile.

_Maybe I should call him Farore, _Link smirked, seeing the Tri-Force symbol on his hand flare as the Goddess expressed her distaste for this idea. _Sorry…_he apologised, returning to serious name hunting, and continuing to play with his lover's hair. _Maybe something with a meaning? Like 'Nova', because this is a new start… Or Phoenix! Starting over and all that…_

Link shook his head, and grumbled to himself. _This is harder than I thought…_

* * *

I was in the Gerudo fortress again, pacing my rooms and waiting for _Him_ to call for me. There was no question in my mind about whether he would – it was just a matter of time… _I just hope the Hylian kid doesn't get himself into trouble. _I'd helped the so-called 'Hero of Time' escape his cell a few hours before. He had been paler than usual, and the front of his green tunic held a large blood-stain…but his handshake of thanks had been firm enough, and his steps sure as he fled down the passageway.

I hadn't dared to tarry around the cells for long… _He'd _know I'd done it, but staying around the cells would only make _Him _all the angrier. I'd decided I didn't fancy another round of 'how much torture can the shadow stand until he passes out'. Either that or the Chinese water torture again…

As if the weather had heard my dark thoughts, a rumble of thunder echoed through the halls of the fortress. I hurried over to the window, wondering how by the Goddesses a storm had blown up so quickly. The sky had been clear the last time I looked…and that was only about half an hour ago… Lightning forked across the sky, illuminating the fortress grounds – a lone figure hurrying towards the desert gate caught my eye, and I focused upon them, having to wait for the next flash of light to confirm my suspicions.

When the lightning crackled across the sky once more, I was able to see that familiar outline, further illuminated by the fairy that buzzed out from beneath his frayed hat. I grinned, and shook my head, feeling confident in guessing that he'd somehow caused this storm with the Royal Family's secret treasure. I watched him quickly scale the ladder of the gate-tower, and flinched slightly as one of the Gerudo women engaged in a scuffle with him – he managed to incapacitate her quickly, and then winched the gate up just far enough for him to get through.

The next rumble of thunder seemed louder than all the previous ones, and I saw the candelabra on the wall beside me shudder. _I'm just hazarding a guess, but I don't think _He's_ particularly happy with me right now… _My suspicions were confirmed when a large hand clamped onto my shoulder. I remained still as he leant down to speak into my ear. "I do believe you're going to regret what you've done, my little Dark."

"I don't believe I shall, m'lord," I answered back before I could stop myself – his grip tightened for a moment, before he let go altogether. I flinched when I heard him move, and turned to look over my shoulder when he didn't land a blow on me.

The sight that met my eyes made me fee sick to my stomach. _It – it's impossible – I just saw the Hylian leave through the gate…how can he be…here? _But, there he was – the Hero of Time in the flesh, held easily aloft by the throat with one strong arm of Dragmire's. The lad squeaked, scrambling with his hands at the one pincered about his throat. "This is what the Goddesses chose to take courage?" Dragmire pondered scornfully, looking at me to gauge my reaction.

I attempted to keep my face expressionless. After all, the lad _had_ attempted to kill me, which by rights should have made me dislike him… But… I knew all too well what is was like to be serving someone without ever wishing to do so… "It hardly seems worth the effort to even fight you, boy," Dragmire returned his gaze to the Hylian, whose efforts to free himself were becoming less frenzied. After one, last, sluggish bat of his pale hands, he slumped, and Dragmire dropped him to the floor, where he took in a deep gulp of air. The Gerudo nudged the lad with his toe, and then dismissed him, turning to me.

"Come here Dark." I obediently walked over, carefully avoiding looking at the Hero as I did so. Dragmire grabbed me, digging nails into my shoulders as he drew me closer. He leant down so that his amber eyes were on a level with mine. "Kill him." I felt his control washing over me, as it had that fateful day he forced me into the water temple, and I stumbled backwards, trying to force myself to disobey him. _But it hurts…Goddesses…so much…hurts…_ I looked at the Hylian, who had managed to roll over and prop himself up on one arm. He was shuddering, and his breathing laboured.

I paused, managing to find a quiet space within my own mind – one away from Dragmire's insistent orders. "Do it," he urged. I looked at the pale man – barely out of childhood. Then I looked up at my master.

"No."

"What?" he said flatly.

"No!"

* * *

Link nearly jumped clean out of his skin when his partner sat bolt-upright, yelling "No!" and then collapsed back onto the pillows, sobbing. Blinking a few times, he recollected himself, before reaching out to try and comfort the other. "No, get away!" the black-haired man growled, pushing his hands away.

"But…love…it's me…" Link said haltingly. The other's ragged breathing stopped altogether, and they turned their face to stare at him. He shuffled under the red glare, and flushed.

"Link?" The shorter man swallowed audibly, and then reached out a trembling hand to touch the blond's pale cheek. "Goddesses, it was so real…" he said, more to himself than to Link. He shuddered again, but this time the blond acted more boldly, reaching out to engulf him in a hug.

"A nightmare?" he guessed. The other just nodded, clutching tightly onto him and calming himself down. "Well…I have something that might cheer you up?"

"What?" the tanned man asked, drawing back, and leaning against the pillows once more, arms wrapped around himself as a flimsy sort of protection. Link grinned, and reached down to the floor on his side of the bed. The other just watched wonderingly as the Hylian produced a small scrap of paper and a pencil. "What's that for?"

"Well, I was thinking of names for you…and I've whittled it down to about three, I think…yeah…" he checked the paper, on which the black-haired man was able to see a huge list of names. The blond stuck out his tongue, and ran the point of the pencil down the list, until he came to a name that hadn't been scribbled out. "Now, personally, my favourite is Blake, but I wasn't sure if you'd like that…"

"Blake? Black in old elvish…?" the tanned man nodded, pulling a face that showed he was somewhat impressed. Link smiled proudly, and then quickly searched out the other two names.

"Well, the second one was…actually…nah, I don't like that one too much. I just remembered what it means…"

"What is it?" the shorter man asked, trying to grab the parchment and see what was written on it.

"No! Bad," Link grabbed his hands and placed gentle kisses on the palm of each, before continuing. "Well, I was thinking Thanatos…but…that means 'death'." The face that the tanned man pulled said all that needed to be said. The blond snorted, and then his face became serious once more. "The last one I quite like too… This is meant to be a new beginning, so I thought this one might be good…" he paused, and the other man glared at him, looking infuriated.

"OK! Don't look at me like that, it's creepy!" he laughed softly. "I was thinking 'Xavier', maybe. That means 'new' in the first tongue…uh…Farore helped me on that one," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck and looking down at the huge list of names before him. The tanned man didn't say anything, and Link looked up at him, wondering what was wrong. "Love?"

"Xavier," the shorter man echoed, nodding slightly. He looked up at Link, and the blond was startled to see his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "My name is Xavier," he murmured, winding his arms around the other's neck, and leaning on his partner's chest. "Xavier. I like it."

"Good," Link nodded, stroking his partner's hair gently, and closing his eyes to go back to sleep.

* * *

Red eyes snapped open, nearly blinded by the morning sun. A strong, unmarred expanse of pale skin presented itself, and the eyes narrowed as they tried to figure out where they were. A few seconds later, the corners of the eyes tilted upwards, as their owner recalled the events that had led up to the current situation.

And Xavier tightened his hold on Link, and went back to sleep. It was to be the first lie-in he had had in weeks.

* * *

_That was odd. I have no idea where that came from. I managed to get in references to the old days, called 'Xavier' fat, and implied at sex without writing any. :Blinks: Odd indeed..._

_I'm going to go and pig out on ice-cream and watch romantic girly movies now. Woot!_


End file.
